Sept. 13th 2012

A day I will never forget, it’s the day I went through on of the most painful (physically and mentally) parts of my adult life. I had a miscarriage at about 3 months pregnant. It’s not my first miscarriage, and I had a son die of SIDS, at 1 hr old when I was 19. This was different though, in so many ways.

I knew I was pregnant almost from day one, which is a mixed blessing as I was daily in awe of everything that was going one with me and my body.

My husband knew even though we hadn’t communicated about it (I have Polycystic Ovaries so I go long times between periods). We were both worried about timing but wanted the baby.

I am taking this harder than any other time except the death of Jonathan, my son who would have been 10 this Nov.
After reading some blog about it recently I realized a large part of why I was having ao much trouble is because I felt my husband wasn’t really in the same place as me and wasn’t really greiving. After a huge fight I learned otherwise and we talked of ways to deal with this together, and one way we decided is to get a bear from build a bear and have it be a memorial bear.

We decided to name the baby we lost, we never got to know it’s sex, so we chose gender neutral names. Oddly it really does help having a name for our lost little one, it makes it feel real and valid.

So rest in peace little Taylor Jaime, your mommy amd daddy are sad we never got to know you, but I pray some how you know we love you always.

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